Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Trick or Treat?

I love Halloween. To a fat kid, there is no better holiday than one where he can use his girth to get himself some free candy without getting made fun of. Easter is another classic example of a great holiday for fat kids. But didn't you actually have to say "Trick or Treat" to get candy? Didn't you used to say thank you and accept graciously all the candy bestowed upon you no matter if it was that crappy orange and black wrapped stuff? At the very least didn't you wait until you were far enough away so the people who gave you said candy didn't hear you? Have things changed so much since I last donned a white hat and went as chef boyardee? After all, I'm only 26 so I never thought I'd say this but damn today's kids are rude little shits.

I'm manning the door last night while Baby Ricannette is feeding then freaking out because the doorbell is ringing every 2 minutes. I would patiently wait for the little tykes to say trick or treat, then let them choose 2 pieces of candy out of the bowl. And it's not like I had shitty candy, I had snickers, starburst, M&Ms, skittles, Nerds, the works. But some of these little ghouls and goblins decided that 2 wasn't enough. They dug their grubby little paws and grabbed the candy like a diabetic looking for their insulin.

Finally, I decided I better start handing the candy out myself. Toward the end of the night I realized my generosity to the initial trick or treaters might come back to haunt me. Our candy supply was coming dangerously close to being extinct with 30 minutes left to go in the trick or treat hours. Frantically looking for a solution, I decided I better start handing out 1 candy bar per kid to make it last. Wouldn't you know it, some little mother F er gets pissed when I hand him one piece of candy and says "is that it?" Is that it? Bitch I'm giving you candy, and good candy at that. Don't come and act all rude and not even say trick or treat and just sit there with your damn pillow case open. After the initial shock, I told him, yep that's it, if you had come earlier I was passing out 2! pieces of candy and dollar bills. He mumbled something under his mask then walked away. Then the last trick or treater of the night came to the door. Not knowing if this was the last one or not, I had to save a few pieces of candy for stragglers (myself) that came late. I gave her a piece of candy (after she didn't even say trick or treat) and she digs into her little pumpkin and says, "damn the guy next door gave us a whole bag of skittles!" I looked at her calmly as her mom just stood there and said, "well you better go back to that house before he runs out," then shut the door in their faces. What the hell happened to these kids?


Blogger Jeremy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:19 PM  
Blogger Jeremy said...

Yep, kids today are ungrateful little brats. I guess we're just too old.

Maybe next year you should ration out one candycorn apiece and see what their reactions are!

Oh, and you should do it while munching on a Kingsize Snickers bar or 3 Musketeers or something.

(Hmm... my editing didn't work out like I'd intended, sorry.)

1:22 PM  
Blogger Gold Nugget said...

You say ghosts and goblins i say Leaches and snitches, you gotta watch out for these little bitches.

2:05 PM  
Blogger hanmee said...

Many a blog I've read this morning has commented on the deterioration of thankfulness amongst trick-or-treaters. Parents just don't teach their kids to be grateful. I mean they ARE getting FREE candy from STRANGERS.

I didn't hand out candy (Tarzan did), but just the ones I overheard sounded okay. I don't know if many of them said thank you, but it didn't seem like they had an attitude at least. I even heard a couple of parents actually tell their kids to say "trick or treat" and "thank you". We actually didn't get many kids and Tarzan would present the bowl, but most kids only grabbed one or two at most. I overheard one kid at least ask "how many?" before taking.

7:20 AM  
Blogger Puerto Rican Angel said...

HAHA I know exactly what you mean!!!! I should do what my mom does and pretend I'm not home!

11:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kids these days. Ingrates. You know who's to blame. All those right wing who's preaching morality but not manners.

5:07 PM  

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