Wednesday, October 19, 2005

To All My Brown Friends

I had a different idea to post about today but when I saw this it was too funny for me to pass up. I've added some witty comments on some of these for your amusement.

You know you are brown (i.e. Hispanic) when...

1. You put your clean pots in the oven for storage. (It's the only place where you had room since you had to store rice and beans everywhere else).

2. Your mother keeps a can full of recycled cooking oil on or near the stove. (The funny thing is I never thought this was weird until I moved in with white roommates).

3. Your relatives take photos and videos at a wake.

4. You have to say "Bendicion" to your grandmother and/or mother and/or aunts when you come in and before you leave. (Sometimes this is ignored, other times it comes with a quick prayer).

5. Your grandma's couch is covered in plastic even though it's older than you. (I didn't think this was strange until I moved to the US).

6. You call all cereal "con flay".

7. You call any sneaker "tenis".

8. You can't leave a party without taking home a plate of food.

9. Your grandma makes you put on slippers because walking around barefooted will make you get sick.

10. You need that piece of cake before you leave the party.

11. You found out about a Saturday party on Wednesday.

12. "La Correa" (belt) or "La Chancla" (slipper) were used to discipline you. (My mom is like 5 ft tall and isn't really into sports but when it came time to hit me with the Chancleta she was like Joe Montana with her aim when I tried to run.)

13. You have those huge wooden spoons on the wall. (Or in my case, huge ceramic plates.)

14. The biggest pot in the house is burned from all the rice cooked in it.

15. You blast the music at 8am to clean the house on a Saturday.

16. The whole family gathers around and stands still in front of the video camera at a wedding, baptism, or birthday party and just smiles like it's a regular camera. (Like you haven't done that before).

17. You set up a "hamaca" (hammock) whenever your family goes to the park.

18. You are older than one of your uncles or aunts. (Or your dad has the same exact birthdate as one of his sisters but they aren't twins).

19. Your Mom has two sets of dishes and bed sheets: One for everyday use and the other for "cuando llege visita (for visitors).

20. Your mother keeps the rice in a big green soda-cracker can and instead of a scoop inside, its a tea cup with a broken handle.

21. You go to a birthday party and your friends that couldn't go are asking you to bring them back some food.

22. Your mom / tia (aunt) / abuelita (grandma) has a ceramic elephant on the living room table.

23. Your favorite dish is pegao (crunchy rice).

24. You have an aunt who sells pasteles on the side.

25. It could be 100 degrees outside and your mom is cooking pernil inside in the oven.

Here are a few of mine...

26. You seriously consider printing two different sets of wedding invitations. One set with the correct time for the white folks, and one set with the starting time 2 hours earlier than the actual time since you know your brown relatives will roll up late. And you can send one invitation to one tia and everyone on that side of the family will come using that one invitation.

27. I could get to my mom's house just by the smell of her chuletas.

28. At least 2 of your relatives have beaded curtains into their living room.

29. There are crosses in at least every other room of the house, and you own at least one real set of rosemary beads and one plastic set for the kids.

30. You regularly use the expression "Chacho, brother (even though half the people don't know what "brother" means)."

31. You meet family members for the first time at your wedding and talk like you've known each other for your entire lives.

32. You can regularly communicate in Spanglish and not miss a beat.


Blogger Gold Nugget said...

Too true my friend. My mom covers aver half of these and my wife is starting to do a lot of the things on the list.

8:20 AM  
Blogger shoes said...

i think everyone could do something like this about their own nationality. you bustin me up dude

12:01 PM  
Blogger Puerto Rican Angel said...

LMAO!!! Why did I just have flashbacks or my childhood!!! You're a freakin' trip Rican!

5:31 PM  

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