Monday, October 17, 2005

God Hates Us...

...Or at least he loves to have fun at our expense. I'm not talking about the natural disasters that are occurring around the world because the Hurricanes are being produced by the Russian Mob. Evidently, they picked New Orleans because they hate gay people and Ellen Degeneres is from there. Oh no my dear readers, I'm talking on a much deeper, albeit similar fashion as to why God hates humans. Here are just a few observations I've made on my 26 years on this planet and reasoning behind my theory of God...

* Mullets - What kind of God in their right mind would allow a hairstyle like this to even be conceived? Business up front, party in the rear? Who comes up with these slogans. You know that fool is sitting up there behind the pearly gates laughing at all idiots who think chicks dig this look.

* Ice Cream, Pizza, Burgers, etc. - What kind of sick mutha is this God to make all the food that tastes good be unhealthy for you. How can he make shit like broccoli, Cauliflower, and anything else deemed healthy taste like shit, but he can make Twinkies taste good but cause a heart attack. Sick bitch!

* Sleepless nights - Now if he didn't hate us, why the hell would he let Baby Ricannette sleep all hours of the day, but come nighttime when I'm looking to sleep, she wants to party like it's 1999.

* Spandex in sizes bigger than medium - Are you kidding me? Anything that hugs the skin that tight shouldn't be allowed to be made in sizes for people with rolls. He obviously hates us because he's casually forgotten to give the people who wear said spandex in sizes bigger than medium, the eye sight required to determine whether or not something looks good. Damn God is cruel.


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