Tuesday, September 20, 2005

There's Funny Luck and Then There's Mojo's Luck

Everyone has a friend that always seems to be the one that crazy/funny stuff happens to. For the longest time I used to think it was me since some of the stuff that happened to me didn't happen to anyone else. That is, until I met my boy Mojo. I've known this dude since my sophomore year in college. He is absolutely hysterical but for some reason, homeboy can never seem to get a break. Here are a few examples of Mojo's luck.

The first time I ever met this dude, was at a party to celebrate my and this girl's birthday party. It was pretty close to the end of the spring semester so we weren't sure how many people would show up because of finals. As it turns out we had exceeded the number of guests allowed per apartment in this gated complex so I had the idea to go outside the gate to tell people where they could park and sneak over. My boy Big John and I were out there first when he said he would be right back since he had to go to the bathroom. He sent his brother Mojo to come out and help me "direct traffic." Mojo came over and we started to just talk about random stuff since it was the first time we met. I was already pretty buzzed so the conversation, I'm sure anyway, was pretty once sided since Mojo only had one beer.

Well, it seems that the rent-a-cop that was manning the gate caught onto our plan (after all we were doing it right in front of his little booth) and started yelling at us to go over there. Since I lived about a half mile away I told Mojo we should just walk back to my place. He agreed but before we could even make it to the main road an undercover cop in a Mustang pulled us over. He told us to get back to the booth because we were being "detained." Being the smart ass that I am, I asked him for a ride but he politely told me to walk back since I had walked away in the first place. We got back to the booth and were questioned. He asked me if I was drunk so I told him, "Hell yeah!" He turned to Mojo and Mojo answered, "No sir, I've only had one." The cop took one look at him and said, "Now I know you are lying, at least this guy had the balls to tell the truth." Mojo and I got our mug shots taken and were told that if we ever return to this complex we would be arrested (I made that bitch take my picture twice to make sure he got my good side). Mojo and I walked back to my place and immediately got on the horn trying to figure out a way to get back into the party. We figured out a way to sneak in using one of my boy's SUV. I laid down in the back seat covered by a blanket and Mojo laid down in the very back (like hatchback part) with another blanket. On our way over, something fell on Mojo but he had to sit there and not say a word. Finally, we got back in the party w/o further incidents.

A couple of years later, we all went on Spring Break together. I rode in Mojo's car with my boys De-licious, and LB. Mojo took the first driving shift and the rest of us slept. On our first pit stop, we grabbed some 20oz bottles of soda, drank 1/3 then filled the rest up with alcohol. LB took the second driving shift and I moved into the front seat with the directions (and drink of course). I looked back at Mojo expecting him to either be drunk or sleeping, but he was running his hand up and down the window stroking it. I had no idea what he was doing and then he caught us looking and said, "What? I'm fucking claustrophobic!" Well dude it would be nice if you had told us that before you decided to drive your small ass Honda Civic on a 6-7 hour road trip.

We finally got to Panama City around 10:00 A.M. (we had left mad early obviously). Check-in wasn't for another 5 hours so we parked, grabbed our coolers and made our way to the beach. It seemed everybody was out there. We found a spot, set our stuff down and started drinking. After a few minutes, Mojo, LB, Woody and Bhudda (I think) decided they were going to go into the water. Being Florida boys, we knew that the water was going to be ice cold (to us anyway) so they figured if they run in, it would cut down on the shock. In a scene out of a gay porno, the four of them took off running toward the ocean (I swear I saw this in slow motion). They all hit the water running and dove in when they reached waist level water. Well, all except for Mojo. Mojo had hit a sandbar while running and turned his ankle really bad, almost to the point of it being broken. He limped out of the water and his ankle was huge. The rest of us couldn't stop laughing. He drank away his pain and just laid around until it was time to check in.

We were herded into a big ballroom where everyone who was checking in was supposed to form a line. Since Mojo couldn't stand he decided to sit outside in the hall and wait for our turn. We made it through the line, checked in, and went looking for Mojo but he was nowhere to be found. We searched the beach, and the hotel but had no luck finding him. About 4 hours later, he appeared by our room with a blanket that didn't belong to any of us. We asked him where the hell he was and he told us that he was tired and cold so he came into the ballroom, grabbed a blanket that he saw nearby and fell asleep. At this point his ankle was huge but he said it no longer hurt. We all decided to get ready and hit the bars.

We partied it up pretty hard that night. I was cornered by some chick who told me that she was looking for a random hookup since her boyfriend was in jail. The place was packed and we pretty much all lost each other. I found Mojo and a few others and we decided to walk back to our hotel. While walking back, Mojo told me he had to piss and I told him I had to also. We decided to pull up to the next building we saw and just piss on the wall. One of my friends pulled me away and said, "dude you don't want to do that." Before I could warn Mojo, he had let it fly. It turns out the building he chose was the security building, and he pissed on the wall next to the door as the guard walked out. He was arrested. He was told that if he didn't want to go to jail, he would have to clean the hotel the next morning with the rest of the people that were arrested. Naturally he chose to clean the hotel. We woke up the next morning to a knock on our door from a limping Mojo with a mop, bucket and a vacuum cleaner. While the rest of us partied like it was 1999, poor Mojo cleaned the hotel the entire day with the rest of the arrested rejects. If it wasn't for shitty luck, I don't know what Mojo would have.


Anonymous Buddha said...

Just to clarify, I was not a part of the "Gay Frolic" into the water. I was up on the beach wondering what the f.. those guys were doing.

Funny stuff, tho - takes me back!

1:15 PM  

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