Sunday, August 28, 2005

Uh...Thank You Officer?

I've never been good with the boys in blue. It seems every time I ran into an officer of the law I was caught doing something stupid or saying something dumber. I remember when I was in 10th grade my friends and I went to Mickey D's before hitting the bowling alley. Two police officers came into the restaurant and headed toward the bathroom. As the last of the two was walking in the door I yelled "I SMELL BACON!" Naturally the nice officers took their time in the bathroom and casually strolled over to my table where I thought I had gotten away with my prank. They asked which us which one of us smelled bacon and my friends sold me out without even thinking twice. The nice officer asked me my name and phone number. He was nice enough to call my parents and clue them in as to what I had done. Before he was done he smirked and said, "I bet you'll think twice before trying to be cool in front of your friends." Uh yeah asshole thanks.

When I was 16 I thought I was hot shit because I got to drive to school (even though it was less than a mile from my house). One time I kind of paused at a stop sign rather than completely stopping and didn't see the police officer. By the time I pulled into the driveway I realized there was a cop behind me with flashing lights. Not knowing what happened, I confidently strode over to the police officer and asked him what was wrong. He informed me that I had ran a stop sign and that if I HAD stopped, I would have seen him. Then I noticed all the neighbors at their windows checking out the true life cops episode unfolding on their presumably safe street. I didn't tell my parents at first what happened and since my bro is more the black sheep of the fam they assumed it was him who was in trouble when a stupid ass neighbor asked why the police where in our drive way. Of course I got a ticket and the officer indicated I was Hispanic in the race box.

2 years later I got pulled over on campus at UCF for going 27 in a 25. 27! Are you fucking kidding me. The asshole said I was speeding in a school zone and begged me to take him to court so he could make me pay more. I tried to fight like hell to get the ticket reduced (from $149) and lost. The only joy I took out of that was that it was about 100 degrees outside and I saw this bastard sweating on his nice new Oakleys. Once again Hispanic in the race box.

Well earlier today I was driving through little town Wisconsin going about 67 in a 55. I saw the police officer coming in the opposite direction and took my foot off the gas. I saw him do a U-turn and knew my ass was in the sling. I slowed down to 55 and then saw him flick on his lights. Knowing I was busted, I apologized to the people in the car. He came over and asked for my license and registration. After spending a good 10 minutes determining I was not a sex offender, habitual criminal or uninsured he gave me back my license and registration. He then gave me something I've never seen in all my driving years (10 to be exact). I got a written warning. I couldn't believe it. He told me that if I get pulled over within a year I get a ticket automatically and told me to be careful when I drive.

Not knowing what to do with my new found enthusiasm. I carefully scanned the warning to make sure I wasn't getting Punk'd. After reaching the pinnacle of my euphoric state of mind, I noticed something that truly brought me back down to earth. After looking closely at the warning it seems that Mr. Officer thought I was a gringo. That's right folks, in the race box it didn't indicate Hispanic as it did on the previous encounters with the boys in blue. This guy thought I was white. It could be that since spending 3 years in Wisconsin has finally rid me of any sense of color I acquired living in Florida or perhaps it was the fact that I had 2 white women in the car with me. Whatever the case may be, it seems that the only way to get out of a ticket is by being white. Right Q Negro?


Blogger Janelle Renee said...

So, are you for racial profiling or against?

10:19 PM  
Blogger Gold Nugget said...

Why you always trying to play the race card.

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Buddha said...

Dude, I got a warning last month on I-4 in downtown from the FHP (you know what bastards those guys usually are). It was crazy - didn't know exactly what to do. Another topic - remember to look for us on ESPN thursday nite!

10:35 AM  
Blogger The Quintessential Negro said...

Doesn't McDondald's sell bacon? Those fools had no right to call your folks. Fight the power!

1:18 PM  
Blogger chardrian said...

You're Hispanic??

3:04 PM  
Blogger FreakinRican said...

Janel - def against racial profiling but happy that being considered "white" got me out of a ticket (pure speculation of course)

Nugget - you know how I roll

Q Negro - I know man but at 15 I didn't know shit about what they could or couldn't do plus the bastard had the hand on his gun and that's pretty intimidating to a 15 year old.

chadrain - shhh don't tell anyone, how do you think I could afford out of state tuition?

5:22 PM  
Blogger Puerto Rican Angel said...

HAHAHA!!! See I told you that you are the whitest Puerto Rock I've ever seen!!! Now do you believe??

10:38 PM  

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