Sunday, June 26, 2005

A Letter to the Big Guy

Dear God,

What up homey? I know it's been a while but you know between committing malpractice, surfing the internet for porn and keeping wifey happy a Rican just runs out of time. While I got you on the line though I'd like to throw some questions, comments, complaints etc your way if that's cool. Here goes.

I thought back in the day you decided that women were going to have the babies, get hormonal, gain weight and convince themselves that they would not be satisfied until they indeed satisfied every ridiculous craving that goes with being prego. If all that I've learned over time is true, why am I developing man boobs? Why is the midsection getting bigger? Don't give me that standard well stop eating argument because you and I both know that ain't happening. Give me an answer with some substance. Why is it that I drove around yesterday afternoon for an hour until I got to a Burger King because that was the only restaurant that I wanted a milkshake from? Oh just out of curiosity, why do I like things like strawberry ice cream and strawberry milkshakes but don't like the actual strawberry fruit?

A couple of other random questions while I'm on a roll. Why are the nice days during the week and the crappy rainy days on the weekend? Why is it that I always seem to find the house that I want after someone has already accepted an offer on it? Oh and last but not least, could you help out my boy with his problem about going from the "friend zone" to the "score zone?" He's a cool and funny guy and I'd hate for him to have to go home with blue balls every night from the bar. Thanks Dawg, your answers are always appreciated.

The Rican

P.S. What's up with the gray hair at 26? I know it's like 3 or 4 but damn dawg that's just not funny.


Anonymous Danielle said...

OMG!!! I think you are the male version of me.

6:12 AM  
Anonymous Danielle said...

P.S. What's your friend look like, tell him to HOLLA!!! -Dan

7:56 AM  

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