Thursday, June 30, 2005

To be Honest with You....

I never understood why people use this phrase before saying something. To be honest with you, I really didn't like that restaurant...To be honest with you, I think I would like my boy to get laid...To be honest with you, I really do like you just not like that. What the hell is this implying? Are you saying that when you don't start off a sentence with "to be honest with you," that you are lying to me? That you AREN'T being honest with me?

I should point out that I do this just as much as the next person. Talking to MT today about why I thought this made me laugh, I said "to be perfectly honest with you it's the lips on this stamp that make me laugh." Anyone out there know why this is? Do you feel like your point will be believed more if you use "to be honest with you?" Another quality post from the Rican (I was suffering from major writer's block so this is all I could think of, Enjoy!).

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Is Googling Stalking?

My boy Homer has made some damn funny movie skits that you can catch here. One of the movies on there is about a group of college students that are addicted to Google. Now this movie would garner major Indie awards had the Rican been left out of the movie, but since Homer is a nice guy he let me have a role in his masterpiece.

Anyways that has really nothing to do with whether Googling (is that even a word) is stalking but I figured I'd pimp my boys movies up. What got me thinking about it was watching his movie and an article that I read in a magazine yesterday basically asking whether Googling your first love is stalking. If it pleases the court your Honor, I ask that you find that Googling is not Stalking.

I've googled plenty of people in my life. Hell I've even googled myself to see what comes up (nothing interesting). I think if you google someone from your past, or even someone you just met, there is NO WAY that can be considered stalking. I think I would simply call it research! Just because I want to know what happened to B from back in the day and find out whether she married that douchebag loser she left me for or not. I'll admit it, I've googled pretty much all my ex girlfriends. That doesn't make me a stalker damn it. It makes me thorough. I just want to know what would come up or what I can find, not drive by their houses 4 times a day hoping to get a glimpse of them while at the same time hoping that time has not been kind to them (j/k I'm not that bad). Besides I might not even have the right B when I google. I doubt that the B I was looking for has started a "passion party" company (for those of you who don't know what that is, and don't worry I didn't either, it's like a Tupperware party except with sex toys). I also doubt that the B I am looking for is a partner at the private investigation firm of X (but that would be cool). See I'm just doing some good, natural research, not stalking, stalking is totally different. Stalking is like following someone for hours and hours and camping out by their house. I would never do that come on (I'd hire someone to do that shit for me there's no way in hell I'm going to get caught!)

See it's obvious that Google is not stalking. For the reasons stated above, I ask that you find for the Rican in this matter your Honor.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Holla the Rican can Kiss

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks to Mariam for this quiz. It was funny to see that she's a dominating kisser though!

Asshole of the Week

Alright boys and girls, it's about that time again for this week's winner of the prestigious Asshole of the Week award. This is almost too easy this week but here we go. This week's winner is none other than Jeremy Roenick. For those of you who don't know who that is, Mr. Roenick is a professional hockey player in the NHL (yes that league still exists).

A little bit of background information is in order to help you understand this week's Asshole. The player's association and the owners of the NHL are having a little bit of a spat over (what else) but money, specifically how to divide the revenue that comes in from ticket prices, tv contracts, etc. Well seeing that they couldn't agree, they cancelled this past year's entire season, not that anyone cares since the ratings were worse than for shitty shows like that of Britney and her white trash husband.

Now that you have some idea of the background here is what Mr. Roenick said in a press conference after a charity golf tournament. He told the fans who called the players "spoiled" because they make millions of dollars for playing a "game" (he actually did the quotation thing with his hands which I thought was funny) to kiss his ass because we are just jealous of them. Mr. Roenick also went on to say that if the fans truly feel like that then don't come out to the games, don't come out to the stadiums to watch them play and that they don't want those people to watch hockey.

Alright dude I played sports my entire life. I know that professional athletes probably work on their profession harder than most people work at theirs. However, you gotta understand that all you are doing is playing a game for entertainment. You are getting paid insane amounts of money for a game that a lot of people pay to play. You also gotta realize that your league sucks. No one watches your game and that's why you are in this position now. For you to alienate the few fans who still are interested in your game by telling them to kiss your ass completely undermines what the rest of the players are trying to avoid. You can't tell fans not to come back idiot, most of your revenue comes from ticket and merchandise sales. How many people do you think want to watch you now dumbass?

Congratulations Jeremy Roenick for making my job easier this week for being such an asshole. You are my Asshole of the Week!

Monday, June 27, 2005

A Shout Out Rican Style

I gotta give it up to my girl J-Ro. She's one of my readers (man I'm like up to 7 I think) who's like 8 months prego. I know you are going to pop soon girl. Congrats on the baby girl Erin, I'm sure she's going to be a cutie (and probably bust some boys balls too). I hope the epidural prevents you from feeling too much pain (I'm sure wifey will get like 4 to make sure they don't wear off), and I hope it's a smooth ride from here on out.

Much Luv and Hugs,
Rican and DG

At What Point...

Is it too old for someone to still be a virgin w/o being considered a leper? Homer, Moral and I were discussing this on Friday and could not able to come up with a consensus. I think if a guy is still a virgin by 24 (not by choice of course) a girl is going to be a little leery about being "the first." I don't know that women are going to be all about getting down with a dude that might not know how to "get down." I mean everyone has seen porns from time to time, but you know that ain't what your first time is like. The first time is usually akward, nervous and sloppy. By the time you are done if you last longer than like a minute, you don't even know what to do. "Should I ask for it again," "Did she like it," etc.

I think a woman could get away with being a virgin until about 27-28. It's easier for them to get away with it longer than guys because society says they should be a virgin longer. However, once they get to about 27, if they haven't gotten down, they are going to start looking weird or undesirable. I never found virgins much fun because of the same reasons listed above for guys. To make matters worse, I think girls would be even more self concious about what guys are thinking about them then vice versa. Plus it ain't like your average girl is going to go down to the local porn shop and pick up a Vivid Video (How do I know that!) New Release so they definitely won't know what to do.

Now that ya'll know what ages I think what do ya'll think are the ages where people are thought to be strange if they are still a virgin?

Sunday, June 26, 2005

A Letter to the Big Guy

Dear God,

What up homey? I know it's been a while but you know between committing malpractice, surfing the internet for porn and keeping wifey happy a Rican just runs out of time. While I got you on the line though I'd like to throw some questions, comments, complaints etc your way if that's cool. Here goes.

I thought back in the day you decided that women were going to have the babies, get hormonal, gain weight and convince themselves that they would not be satisfied until they indeed satisfied every ridiculous craving that goes with being prego. If all that I've learned over time is true, why am I developing man boobs? Why is the midsection getting bigger? Don't give me that standard well stop eating argument because you and I both know that ain't happening. Give me an answer with some substance. Why is it that I drove around yesterday afternoon for an hour until I got to a Burger King because that was the only restaurant that I wanted a milkshake from? Oh just out of curiosity, why do I like things like strawberry ice cream and strawberry milkshakes but don't like the actual strawberry fruit?

A couple of other random questions while I'm on a roll. Why are the nice days during the week and the crappy rainy days on the weekend? Why is it that I always seem to find the house that I want after someone has already accepted an offer on it? Oh and last but not least, could you help out my boy with his problem about going from the "friend zone" to the "score zone?" He's a cool and funny guy and I'd hate for him to have to go home with blue balls every night from the bar. Thanks Dawg, your answers are always appreciated.

The Rican

P.S. What's up with the gray hair at 26? I know it's like 3 or 4 but damn dawg that's just not funny.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Standards for Dating?

In talking to Homer today about we realized that there is a big difference between girls that you would date and girls that you would marry (I guess that's kind of obvious but we felt compelled to discuss this). Is there a different standard between someone you would "date" and someone you would just mess around/sleep with?

My standard back in the day, and probably would still be if I were in the game, was whether or not I would tell my boys that I slept with the girl. If I would freely admit it, then I would date the girl. If I wasn't comfortable telling my boys that I slept with her, well, it just wasn't going to work out ;-). What are some of your standards for "dating" people?

Going from Friend to Hookup at the Bar

I was talking to one of my boys yesterday about how to go from being the guy that girls are friends with, to actually getting into that next step where the girl is interested in you and perhaps even go home with you. I think the key to going from the "you are just like one of the girls" to "I'd like to see what this guy is packing" is confidence, a bit of style, a sense of humor, and a good wingman.

I guess the main thing the guy needs to do is stop giving out the "friend vibe." I'm thinking the look probably has a lot to do with that. If a guy shows up just rocking a white T, a backwards cap and sneakers I don't think it's going to send the "man I want to hook up with THAT guy tonight" vibe. When I think about guys girls normally go home with rather than hang out with at the bar, I think about the guy that comes in with just the right amount of style and slob. You don't want to look like you walked out of a magazine cover, but you want to put a little more into your look. Keep the Tshirt but wear one with a design on it, lose the old faded hat for something new, and rock something other than sneakers.

Confidence in one's self is key. If you slouch, or feel (even slightly) that homegirl ain't going to want it guess what? She ant going to want it. Now you don't have to go in there all high and mighty because that sucks too. You just have to be confident in yourself and know that hey I'm a cool guy, I know she'll dig me when we start talking. No one wants to join you in a pity party so roll up knowing that you got some game (I mean shit even the Rican had some game back in the day and I'm not that attractive).

The sense of humor isn't really a must but it's a good skill to have. The worst thing is if you aren't normally funny and humor isn't your best attribute, you don't want to try that shit out on your potential hookup for the night. She's going to see right through it and frankly you are going to look like a bigger jackass than the "old man" at the bar. This isn't a problem for the dude I have in mind since he's pretty damn hilarious.

Lastly a good wingman is desirable. This person can help you get out of a bad situation if the chick you thought you were feeling turns out to be psycho or hangs all over you and gets annoying. A wingman also is supposed to run some interference for you and try to scope out some girls that seem like they might be game for meeting an eligible bachelor for the night. A good wingman will introduce the prospective hookup to your boy be funny and a little crazy (but not scary or freaks) then just like that will withdraw from the conversation to leave the potential hookups to do their thing.

Any more ideas out there to help my boy out? I know some of the ladies could probably put down some insight as to how Yale think and what makes your clock tick considering yesterday's post about me not understanding women like I thought I did ;-).

Thursday, June 23, 2005

I'll never understand women

Wifey and I have been married over two years and together for over 4. I thought that I understood the fairer sex about as well as any man can but obviously I don't. I don't understand how when I say hey do you mind if I do this and you say sure that's fine, after I'm done you get upset and tell me something like I see where I rank. Why do women tell you it's cool go ahead and do something then after is done get all upset because you did just that? Why play the games? If you would rather me not play golf, go out, sleep in, go to dinner here, why not tell me BEFORE I do it rather then being upset AFTER? Any of my female readers care to try to enlighten me?

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Assholes of the Week

Sorry I didn't post this yesterday, but I felt like I need to get the bragging out of my system ;-) Our Asshole of the week is, well actually I have 2, Jennifer Wilbanks (the freaky eyed runaway bride) and her fiance, John Mason (pathetic!).

I tried not to watch this lady's interview last night but wifey wanted to see it and, like so often happens when you see a trainwreck, you just can't look away. This lady is such a selfish, crazy, stupid bitch. I already wrote about her before so I'm not going to rehash everything but here are some "highlights" from her interview last night...

Her fiance had become "a person of interest" to the FBI after the Utah thing and the Scott Peterson thing (of course freaky eyed bitch didn't realize this would happen because she wasn't thinking about "the people I love." Bitch talking about her lie "It's scary that the story I concocted came so easy to me, I guess I watched too many cops and robbers movies." Another wonderful quote, "I don't want to give myself to John until I feel I'm the right person for him and right now I don't feel like I am." Hey buddy she's obviously not interested. "I feel so guilty for the people that I have hurt. And how, you know, how this has affected many people's lives. But at the same time, it's the best mistake I ever made." Of course it is bitch you just sold your story for $500K. And dumb ass fiance's answer when asked how he felt when he found out the story was made up, "I was upset for like 5 minutes then I was OK." Listen buddy I would have been pissed off for good and left the bitch in New Mexico. Last but not least, it seemed that this bitch also kept text messages in her phone that said I love you from a guy she dated in late 2003 even though she was engaged to the other asshole of the week.

Just listening to these two Assholes last night was infuriating. I don't know much about people with mental illness, and I can appreciate their seriousness. But you know what? You don't make up a fucking story like that, profit for it, and then expect us to call you "friend" or by your real name. I think what I'm going to call you two are my Assholes of the Week.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

The Lost Art of the Home Run Trot

It has been said by people far wiser than I that the hardest thing to do in sports is to hit a baseball. It seems to be true when you look at the statistics in a sport where if you fail 70% you are considered a good hitter. If you were to ask me before last night I would have wholeheartedly agreed with you since I had yet to get a hit all season, granted it had only been 4 at bats. However, last night it all came together with my first at bat of the game that inspired the title to this post.

I have never been a homerun hitter. In all my years playing baseball I have hit a grand total of 2 homeruns so it's not like I ever needed to try to perfect a homerun trot. I never sought to solicit advice from all my teammates that routinely hit a baseball so far that it didn't matter if they could run fast or not. Last night, for the first time since 10th grade, I hit a ball our the park (just a sidebar it's also sweet to know as soon as you hit the ball that you know the park aint holding it in). I wanted to watch the ball go and wanted to see it land before I stepped out of the batters box but that is a total faux pas since you never want to show the other team up. I started my jog and then thought to myself, how fast am I supposed to be running? I wanted this to last for a long time but I didn't want to make it seem like I had just blown my load in my pants. I started to turn to round first and I didn't even realize that I need to look down at my feet because I had to do a little foot shuffle to get my feet correctly over the base without falling.

When I reached second base I wanted to slow down my trot because it felt like I was jogging too fast and couldn't believe my triumph was halfway over already but again I did not want to show up the other team so while trying not to look like a snail I slowed my pace down a tad (I'm sure if you ask my teammates they will tell you the only reason I slowed down a little is because I'm not used to running continuously for that long). I finally rounded third and made my way home knowing that my journey was about to reach its climactic end. I touched home and looked up only to realize that wifey wasn't able to come to the game because of her issues from the weekend, so I had no witnesses for my once-in-a-blue moon experience.

Alas I must admit that last night the ball was flying out of the ball park with frightening regularity. Randy led off the game for us with a homerun, ala Rickey Henderson, which, if memory serves correctly, was our first bomb of the year. His was a towering moonball that cleared the left field fence. He must have done this before because he did not seem to have the home trot struggle that I endured. Two guys on the other team also hit homeruns and didn't seem to have any trouble rounding first (like no foot shuffle). That makes me wonder...Does anyone else go through this when they hit a homerun? Does anyone care that I wasted 15 minutes of my day trying to brag that I hit monster bomb last night, without sounding like I'm bragging?

Monday, June 20, 2005

Ad Observation

Wifey wasn't feeling too good and had to have a procedure so she spent the weekend basically in bed and I spent the weekend at her beckon call. As a result, I watched a lot of sports on TV this weekend and the movie "Be Cool" (it was mildly amusing but watching Uma Thurman dance made me want to update my Laminated List).

What I remember most about the weekend are the freaking ED ads all over the place. Whether I was watching the U.S. Open, the Finals or the College World Series all that kept popping up was beer and Viagra ads. I didn't realize so many guys had that problem. One of the side effects of Viagra and Levitra and any other pill they came up with to make your Johnson work seemed to be a 2 hour erection. I believe the suggestion was if your erection lasts for longer than two hours to call your doctor.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Why would people call their doctors? What are the doctors going to do? Stroke you off until the erection goes away? I'd call wifey and tell her to cue up the CD play with Brian McKnight, Keith Sweat, Jodeci and Luther Vandross and to hit repeat. I'd also have wifey set up the camera so I could document this astonishing feat. The last person I would call would be my doctor. "Uh..Dr. Smith, I got a problem, I took that little pill and now my dong won't go down what should I do? What could a doctor possibly say? I mean seriously, why would a doctor want to be called upon to "relieve his patient's stress?"

Friday, June 17, 2005

Psycho Lady

I didn't know weather to laugh at or feel sorry for this lady. For those of you who are too lazy to link the story here's a quick review.

Basically this Ohio defense attorney pleaded guilty in a murder-for-hire plot aimed at (no pun intended) her estranged husband. This lady is such a psycho spaz that she didn't even let the judge finish reading the charge before pleading guilty and interrupted the judge again when he was going through the "you know you are waiving your right to a jury trial" speech. Prior to this, this lady had called a judge a sick twisted old man (presumably in court since she was disciplined for it). She also told a prospective divorce client to max out her husbands credit cards prior to the divorce (damn that hurts just thinking about it). The funniest thing though is what she said to the "middle man" in her attempt to hire the hit man. When asked if she would be able to live with herself if she goes through with this, she replied, "Yeah, happily, the rest of my life. I'm gonna tinkle on his grave every year." That is totally sick and twisted but I actually laughed out loud at the thought of this crazy bitch squatting on this man's grave to water the flowers.

The most bizarre thing about this case though...she actually gets to keep her law license (even though it was suspended). I swear it's harder to get the damn license (like making someone write an essay explaining that they don't have a drinking problem because of an underage drinking ticket) than it is to lose it (case in point right here).

Thursday, June 16, 2005

You know you are getting old when...

...You can hum the entire tune of Fraggle Rock.

...You know what Fraggle Rock is.

...You know what the phrase "and knowing is half the battle" means.

...You remember the show Snorks.

...You knew (and might still know) the words to "Hanging Tough."

...You remember what Michael Jackson looked like black.

...You wore (or wanted to wear) Z. Cavaricci pants.

...You know what people are talking about when they talk about "Hammer Pants."

...You had a slap bracelet.

...You can still hum the tune to the A-team and remember that this was where Mr. T first said, "I pitty the foo."

...You remember the name Erik Estrada.

...You remember that K.I.T.T. used to be David Hasseholf's best friend.

and lastly, you know where the phrase "HEY YOU GUYS!" comes from.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Can this family get any weirder?

It seems like the Jackson family is interested in a reality series about (presumably) what their life is like "behind closed doors." This article outlines what the Jacksons have been doing to try to shop around their idea.

Alright, your kid just went through a long and demanding trial where he stood to possibly go to jail for a hell of a long time what do you decide to do? Film a reality series about it. Are you kidding me. This family ain't the Cosby's We don't need to see anymore trainwrecks coming from them. Alas I'm sure some desperate network will pick this up and some curious idiots will watch to see what life is like as a Jackson. I'm a big reality tv fan, but I'd rather listen to Tito Jackson's record than watch this shit.

I called it first!!!

I'm finally starting to do some actual legal work, not that I minded building desks and moving furniture!! One of my first assignments was to write a letter to another attorney informing him of who our experts will be at the hearing next week. Well I guess I didn't realize that you have to "claim" experts even if you don't actually plan to use them. If you don't claim your expert then the other party can come in and sweep your particular witness away. It reminded me of stuff that my brother and I used to fight about when we were younger. Sort of like hey I call the DVD player tonight so I can watch my new porno...uh movie.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Asshole of the Week

This is going to be a weird asshole of the week because it's not something that was done this past week but it's a reflection of yesterday's events. This week's asshole is Mark Geragos. For those of you who don't know, this is the lawyer that defended Scott Peterson in his murder and was the original attorney for Michael Jackson's child molestation case.

The reason why I chose Mr. Geragos for this esteemed honor this week is because Mr. Geragos not only did not win an acquittal of Scott Peterson (although the evidence in that case seemed to suggest that he was guilty) he was also fired by Jacko prior to the start of his trial. So he didn't win that case (obviously).

That is a total double whammy. What makes this worse is that prior to becoming lead counsel for Mr. Peterson, Mr. Geragos had gone on Court TV and stated that Perterson was probably guilty. He also did not prepare Peterson to go into court and be "believable." I try not to follow too many cases on TV but I followed this one closely and Peterson just looked smug every time on TV. Geragos should have done a better job of preparing his client. So, congrats Mr. Geragos, you were fired prior to the trial that could have saved your year. Asshole!

P.S. Strong consideration for all the newspaper headline writers that undoubtedly will use the head line with the words "BEAT IT" when talking about the Michael Jackson verdict.

Monday, June 13, 2005

The "Laminated List"

I was talking to on of my boys from back home and he asked what my "Laminated List" looks like. I think we had talked about this one time while we were drunk so naturally I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. He told me that the laminated list is a list of 5 women who, given the opportunity, you would sleep with no questions asked. Regardless of whether you were in a relationship or not, this was a list of people who your spouse or significant other would have to understand. Now I'm going to preface this by saying I honestly would never do cheat on my wife but the idea of this list seemed like fun so here is my list:

1. Salma Hayek - easily one of the most beautiful women in the world, add that sexy accent...oh man definitely on the list, especially after seeing her in After the Sunset and Desperado.

2. Rebecca Romjin - just thinking about her in that Mystique get up is uber hot and I hear she's kinda freaky.

3. Halle Berry - I'll admit this woman has relationship problems, but for pure beauty and sex she's definitely top 5 (especially after seeing Monster's Ball)

4. Charlize Theron - man ever since wifey made me watch Sweet November, I've been all about this girl. She's just gorgeous and has a sexy voice.

5. Jennifer Love Hewitt - I know this is kind of a weird choice compared to the other 4 but I've had a crush on this girl since Party of Five that has never quite gone away.

Now that I've posted my list what are some of your "laminated list" people?

Friday, June 10, 2005

What does this say about L.A.'s finest?

Apparently on May 9 the wonderful police officers of L.A., who seem to have a great reputation, fired 120 rounds into the car of an unarmed suspect that led them through a 12-minute chase. 120 fucking rounds! Good God. I mean I understand that this dude had been eluding them but once he stopped don't they normally pull him out and beat the shit out of him?

That's not even the worst thing about this incident. The cops that were involved are being served "punishments" ranging from "written reprimands" (what the hell is that) up to 15-day suspensions (gee a whole 15 days? that's like an extra 2 weeks of vacation time).

The kicker about this incident is that in the 120 shots fired at this guy's car. Only 4 actually hit the guy!!! Are you kidding me? Did we give train them with like super soakers that they can only hit someone 4 times out of a 120 shots? The great cops of L.A. also managed to hit one of their own in this entire fracas. What a bunch of idiots.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

I'm never complaining about my job again.

After reading about this poor guy I'm going to think twice about bitching about putting desks together and taking out the trash. How shitty is it when you have a job where you are killed 9 hours after you started? Damn.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Benefits of working at a small law firm in a small town

Alright all 4 of my loyal readers know what my first day as an attorney was like (re: assembling my desk). Well apparently those aren't all the benefits of working in a small firm. I also got to move the remaining desks upstairs (where the attorney offices are) and assemble them all over again (since we had to break them down to get them up the stairs). That's not all folks!!! I had the privilege of taking out the garbage (since tomorrow is garbage day and the cleaning people don't come in until Friday), vacuum all of our offices and move my office around to accommodate the puddle that accumulated underneath the carpet thanks to the air conditioning unit that wasn't used to running so strongly. Man I love my job.

PS: I actually really do like my job. The people rock, there is always beer in our fridge, we actually have a shower and a full kitchen upstairs by our offices and I got to wear shorts the last couple of days!

2nd Asshole

Alright I know that I already posted on the asshole for this week but I would be remised if I didn't mention Lealand's Auction house. It seems that the assholes at this place are selling off part of the airplane that crashed and killed baseball great Roberto Clemente. That, to me, is truly heinous. How can you profit off a tragedy that still effects most boricuas (Rican's for all those that don't know)? Kids in PR don't aspire to be Bonds, Giambi or any other roid freak, they still aspire to be Roberto Clemente. So up yours Lealands for sinking to a new low. You are an honorary asshole of the week!

Border Patrol?

They let this dude into the US from Canada when he was toting a chainsaw stained with blood, a sword, knife and the look of pure evil but the won't let some poor sap from Mexico or Cuba who just wants to make a better life for him or herself and their family? What the hell is wrong with this picture?

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Asshole of the Week

Well I had my asshole already picked out and then the Detriot Pistons went out and won the Eastern Conference Championship, so Larry Brown you are off the hook but know that what you did was mad shady. You don't turn your back on your team to find another job in the middle of a championship run.

So now that I can't use Mr. Brown, I think I'll use Professor Slosberg. Don't know who that is? Well you can read about his stupidity here. Basically this guy had students come into his classrooms and write down their name and social security numbers (perhaps for grading? I don't know). Then Prof. Slosberg used those numbers to apply for credit cards and presumably run up a huge bill that he did not have to pay off. Alas, the Professor was caught (along with his girlfriend) and arrested. I think he might have been found with the candle stick, in the library but I can't be sure.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Game 7!!!!

Definitely the best two words in sports. Well it has come down to this for the Miami Heat and the Detroit Pistons. Homer has been saying all along that this was going to be a 7 game series and that it was going to be Detroit pulling it out in the end. Gotta give the man props for calling the series correctly (although they didn't go to an overtime game like he said they would). But now it's time for my prediction to tonight's game.

I believe that IF Dwayne Wade can play and can play at about 80% then the Heat pull off the victory. I think the Pistons as a whole might be a slightly better team, but I think that Wade makes his teammates better up to and surpassing that of Detroit's players. Wade easily is the most important player in this game (sorry Shaq). However, if D-Wade can't play above 75% because of his injury then they will be celebrating in Mo-town (and on Langdon street) tonight. Enjoy!

Friday, June 03, 2005

Site Meter

I know I've posted on this before but some of the hits I get off people's searches are just strange. I've gotten hits for things like milf and porn (which I'm sure Homer finds appropriate). Yesterday I received a hit from a google search of "stupid shit." Now I know my blog sometimes is a little elementary but damn, I didn't realize I had fallen to the level of stupid shit. Why didn't anyone warn me?

Thursday, June 02, 2005

2nd Day

I swear I will not post daily updates on what I do every day I'm an attorney but I figured after my carpentry day yesterday I should let you know that I actually did a little bit of work today and actually billed my first hour! I was told by some ALJ that I shouldn't think I'm some young hot shit lawyer because I got an objection correct over the other (old cold shit I guess) attorney that has been doing this for years. I swear I've never met a more pompous ass in all my life. And to think, they told me these people are nicer to new lawyers. I wonder what he would have said if I wasn't so new.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

I started my job today and...

Well I didn't commit any malpractice. Why you ask (well you didn't but I'm assuming you did)? Well that's because I spent the entire day assembling my desk, filing cabinets and chairs with one of the partners. Apparently they were waiting for me to start to have someone to take on this endeavor. So not only was I not dressed for the occasion (I actually put on my fav/best dress pants), I had to haul 5 heavy boxes up to the second story of our building (of course no elevator), and get down and dirty to build my shit. To make things worse, I'm not real handy so I had to do shit like 3 or 4 times before I got it right.

I think tomorrow they might have me install a motherboard and see if I can build my computer from scratch. Perhaps I'll even get to chop down some wood and grind it down to make myself some computer paper. I did receive one assignment...I am to write a Spanish ad for our firm to we can market to the Latino/a population. That's cool, except my major was communications and I have a law degree so I have never even taking a marketing class so what the hell do I know about writing a commercial? Any ideas? Man I'm so glad I went to law school!
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