Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Last day of Freedom!!!

Today is the last day before I start committing malpractice... I mean practicing law. I'm totally depressed and excited about this at the same time. I'm excited to apply what I should have learned in law school to something that should benefit people, but I'm afraid I'm going to seriously fuck up someone's legal problems. I just hope my boss has enough malpractice insurance to cover up the screw ups.

Asshole of the Week

Generally I prefer to stay away from political discussion because frankly some people don't know what the hell they are talking about (this includes me on certain topics) and just because it always leads to an argument. I have to make an exception this week however. This week's Asshole is our 2nd in command...VP Dick Cheney.

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't think real highly of the current Administration. But it's too easy to pick on someone for asshole of the week because you simply don't like them so there is an actual reason for this week's Asshole to be VP Cheney. He stated last night on Larry King that he predicts the war in Iraq to be over by 2009. That's quite a bold prediction considering that his boss Prez Bush declared us a winner in the war over 2 years ago.

Tell me how can someone be a winner in anything and still continue "playing the game?" We don't see baseball teams claiming victory in the 6th inning of a game only to continue playing. What a coincidence that Cheney's prediction of 2009 is exactly the year that his and Prez Bush's terms are over.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Happy Memorial Day!!!!

Happy Memorial Day everyone. I hope everyone has the day off from work (if not what kind of heartless company do you work for, even though I know I'll end up at the grocery store thankful that they are open). This is the official start of summer as far as I'm concerned so it makes it one of my favorite holidays off the year. Grills are dusted off, shorts are brought out of the closets, and of course two-piece bathing suits come out of the woodworks (even though the first few weeks are kinda scary in Wisconsin since people's skin hasn't seen the sun up here since like September, Remember the movie Powder???).

Also, on a more serious note. Let's not forget what Memorial Day truly is about. Being that my Pops is a Vietnam War vet this holiday has special meaning for me in that sense too. Thanks to all the troops that have served and continue to do so.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

I'm an Idol!

I forgot to write about this last week and since I was suffering from blogger topic block this morning I figured I'd write about this now. When I was on vacation back home last week, I went to the mall with wifey looking for some prego clothes. There was this lady coming out of the mall so being the gentleman that I am I held the door open for her. She looked up at me and said thanks, to which I nodded. I proceeded to walk through the door she kinda grabbed my arm and as like oh I'm so sorry you got voted off American Idol, we were pulling for you since you were the underdog.

I was like what?!?!? Voted off? I couldn't even think of anyone I remotely looked like on that show. So I told her, "Maam...uh...I'm not on that show." She told me that she understood my shyness and said oh Scott, we know you are going to make it in the music business.

Wifey was like did she just say Scott? Like Scott Savol (or whatever homeboy's name is)? I told her that I thought so and wifey said you don't look anything like him. However, this lady was convinced I was this guy and went so far as to ask me for his autograph and make it out to her granddaughter. Crazy huh?

Saturday, May 28, 2005

The result is in and...

Naturally it's inconclusive...It seems that Baby Rican is a little camera shy and very stubborn (must take after wifey). When we went in to determine the sex the kid turned away so we couldn't look at the midsection and stubbornly refused to turn back around. After looking at other stuff, the doctor tried to determine the sex again and this time the kid had stuck its damn foot in its crotched and i swear gave me a smirk. I think we have another scheduled sometime soon so hopefully Baby Rican (or Ricanette) will not be as stubborn. In the mean time, I'm taking suggestions for names since wifey and I can't seem to agree on one.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Differences

Now that I'm back in Mad-town, Wisconsin I've had a chance to think about some of the differences between my new home and my old home in Orlando. One of the biggest differences between Orlando and Madison are the women. Overall, the women in Florida are very very attractive, more so than the women in Madison. That is not to say that the women in Wisconsin are not attractive because Lord knows I've seen plenty of great looking women up here. It's just that the girls in Fl seem to take a little bit better care of themselves. In general the work out more, tan more (I know WI people can't help the fact that the sun only comes out for 3 months out of the year) and dress a little better. HOWEVER, the girls in FL are stuck up. Not all mind you, but the girls down there sure as hell don't know how to have fun like the girls up here do. Example, I mean I don't know one single girl in FL that can make a giraffe out of clay and a mascot out of a Dip tin. I wonder if this is the case is places like Texas and California (Janel, thoughts?)

Another major difference is the drivers up here at least understand the basic protocol of staying in the right lane if you move slow and what that thing that hangs off the side of the steering wheel (turn signal). I also have yet to see a driver in the state of WI that has glasses thicker than most windshields, whereas if you spend a day in Southwest Florida, you will probably be hard pressed to find a driver under the age of 70 without Coke bottle glasses.

Lastly, I've noticed that the people up here are a hell of a lot nicer than the people down in O-town. I'm less likely to get a glare up here than I am in FL for going through the express lane at the grocery store with 11 items.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Asshole of the Week

Wow, 2 posts in one day! Alrighty folks it's about that time who will receive the prestigious award this week? I had a tough time figuring this one out until I spent time on the road. This weeks Asshole of the Week is, actually are, Florida Drivers...

I'm not talking about the tourists that crowd our roads while looking at a map that is bigger than a super size twister board (although they suck too). I'm talking about the natives that cut you off at 70 MPH. I'm talking about the assholes that don't spring the extra $20.00 for the "optional" feature that is a turn signal..Oh wait you mean they aren't optional? Well you would think they were considering how many people down here use them. Lastly I'm talking about the 120 year-old people that have no business on the road and that ride in the left lane at approximately 35 MPH. Congratulations on your prestigous honor!

Gift Ideas?

Once again I apologize for the light posting but it should improve being that this is my last day of vacation in Florida. Today also happens to be my second anniversary so naturally I barely made it with a card (that I got this morning before wifey woke up). We are actually celebrating it this weekend that way we can treat ourselves and not have to worry about work (and we also get to celebrate finding out whether I'm having a boy or girl). However, I need some help with gift ideas. I'm lucky enough to have gotten a few days reprieve but I'm still stumped. I was thinking along the lines of a Mr. Snuff action figure but I'm not sure that would be enough. So any ideas out there?

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Asshole of the Week

Alrighty, this is a day late. I apologize for that but it's hard to drag my behind to the computer when I'm laying on the beach. I got a nomination this week for Wisconsin (although I still can't figure out why Janel :-)) however, I decided on going with another pure asshole. My asshole of the week this week is...Jerry Hobbs.

For those of you who don't know who this guy is. He is the guy that killed his daughter and her friend after getting pissed that his daughter was out playing when she was supposed to be grounded for stealing money from mom. He later tried to say that the friend pulled a knife out on him and that he was just defending himself. Now I'm not a daddy yet (5 months and counting) but I'm sure this guy could have just grabbed the girls head like a big football player would do to a scrawny nerd in high school, but no he had to go all Ted Bundy on us. Although Asshole of the Week isn't nearly a strong enough award for this guy, it will have to do for this week. Congratulations dipshit, You are my Asshole of the Week.

Sidebar: Strong consideration for Onterrio Smith for taking a fake dick called a Whizzinator on board a plane with dried urine to beat a drug test for the NFL.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Man I miss FL

Orlando - sunny High near 90 not a cloud in the sky, beaches and golf courses galore

Madison - Showers and High of 62, no beaches (sorry Wisconsinites Lakes don't count) and golf courses that you can only play on 4 months out of the year on.

Someone tell me again why I decided against moving down back to Florida after my legal education ended? (Hint: Diploma Privilege)

Friday, May 13, 2005

Graduation Day!!!!

Damn, I can't believe this is it. I've already posted about how much I'm going to miss law school and all that stuff previously so I'm not going down that path again. I just can't believe law school is over, over you know? It's been 3 years of hard work and dedication to get me to this day...Who am I kidding, it's been 3 years of going to class, playing on the internet, and pretending to pay attention. However, I am proud to say that I did just about all the reading required in my classes!!!!!

Congrats to all the new Badger Lawyers!!! I will see you all tonight at Frida's where we will drink until we throw words out there like res ipsa loquitur, mens rea, and personal matter jurisdiction.

Sidebar: Light posting for the next couple of weeks since I'm going to be in sunny Florida playing golf, listening to nothing but Jimmy Buffet, and drinking at the beach.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Observations from Being the DD

I don't get to go out as much as I would like so usually when I go out I try to live it up and drink as much as I can as fast as I can so I can get a good buzz early (or hammered early) and sustain it all night. Well tonight I was the DD so I just had 2 beers and a bunch of Red Bull. I've noticed some things about people and began thinking about other stuff I realize I've never noticed since I was too drunk to remember most of the night.

There are some people who I think are considered "closet" funny people that you just didn't realize were funny until they started to drink. Yoni is pretty much like this. I thought he was just some quite dude that I saw when I went out before, but after going out a few times and seeing him drunk, I realized he's a pretty funny (albeit cheezy at times "where you from? prettyville? (Actual pick up line used!)) dude who just was being quite.

Now there are some people who just surprise you by "peaking" out of the closet only when they are drunk. I started to notice this last night about one of the guys we were with. We would be dancing and chilling trying to run game on the girls and homeboy would come up behind the dudes bump n grind, and start ass grabbing. Now this normally wouldn't bother me if it was just one time and he was fucking around, but this guy had intent (HA! Legal terminology). He just kept running into all the guys, pinching dudes, and just being gay all over the place. Now being gay is fine, I have no problem with it, but dude you definitely took it to the next level. He was all over all the guys like a fat kid with some birthday cake. Someone should clue him in as to his behavior. I have a feeling that if I called him today an told him about his antics he would just laugh it off and be like "Rican, you got no clue what you saying." Anyways that was my experience tonight. Does anyone else have funky stories like that, that just surprised you to find out on one of those unfortunate (or fortunate depending on your outlook) nights when you are called to provide the fiduciary duty that comes with being the DD?

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Asshole of the Week

I think I'm going to start a new thing on my blog. I'm going to start a weekly post on the asshole of the week. It can come from anywhere and it can be anyone. If you have any suggestions as to who you think should be the asshole next week, let me know now.

This week's asshole is non other than John Rocker. Here's a little bit of background on this colorful individual. He was a good pitcher for the Atlanta Braves in the late 90's and then one year he decided he was going to blast all the Mets fans and the people of NY by mocking the way Asian women drive, calling out "faggots" and all the damn foreigners in NY and basically saying they are pieces of shit. Naturally, people didn't like being called out like this so he gets shit wherever he goes. His career basically fizzled after the article came out and now he is pitching in some independent baseball league trying to make it back to the Majors.

The reason why this guy is the asshole this week is for this quote right here, "I've taken a lot of crap from a lot of people. Probably more than anybody in the history of this sport. I know Hank [Aaron] and Jackie [Robinson] took a good deal of crap, but I guarantee it wasn't for six years. I just keep thinking: How much am I supposed to take?" Dude how the hell can you compare yourself to Jackie Robinson or Hank Aaron. Both of these men lived in a time when they received death threats because of the color of their skin not because of the stupid shit that came out of their mouth. They feared for the life every time they went out and in Robinson's case he often was not even allowed to eat in the same restaurants as his white teammates. Congratulations John Rocker on being my inaugural Asshole of the Week!!!

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Happy Mother's Day Mom

Who else would give me the vivid memories of slapping my friends in the ass on their birthdays with the appropriate amount for the year, not in elementary school where it would be over quickly, but in high school when my friends turned 18 (there's always an extra one for luck). And when I try to suppress said memories, who else is there to bring them up in the most inopportune times. Lastly and most importantly (although I'm sure my mom is not alone in this action) who else would whip out pictures of me as a kid strolling around the yard in the nude? Happy Mother's Day Mom. Love Ya!

Friday, May 06, 2005

I'm heading to NJ!!!

A NJ town has repealed a 30-year old law that banned males over the age of 12 from wearing Speedos out in public. USA Today had a funny article about it here. The thought that some town could actually pass a law like this is hysterical. Growing up in Florida I've seen way too many people that shouldn't even think about putting something on that tight or that small on.

I would take this one step farther and enact a law that would ban speedos and ban people from the beach that are so pasty white that you can't tell the difference between them and a piece of paper. Actually now that I think about it, I would also have to ban Speedos because a lot of times the people who wear these things on the beach appear to have ZZ Top flowing down from the Neather region....damn that was gross to even think about. Sorry for the nasty post!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

I'm Single Again....J/K

Apparently there is an issue in some Florida counties between the Clerk of Courts and the Judges (Yoni should get a kick out of this since he loves indicating how messed up Floridians are). It seems that Judges and Clerks both feel they oversight and feel they can give each other orders. One Clerk has even filed suit.

Normally this wouldn't be a big deal but naturally the one Clerk that filed suit is the same clerk that issued my marriage license to wifey and I. Does that mean that if she loses out I'm a single man? Probably not but I found it funny. I don't recall a lot of the details leading up to the ceremony but I do recall this lady. She was just a total bitch. Now I try not to throw that word out too often but damn she made me feel like I was asking her to swallow cyanide just because I had a question about how to fill out the application. She got even more testy when she found out I was a law student (Oh you must think you are some smart shit, huh). Here's hoping that she gets put in her place and fired. However wifey has nothing to worry about because if we lose our license, we'll simply do it all over again since it was so much fun the first time around!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Blogging at Work

Every time I post on here real early in the morning it usually means I'm at work and trying to look busy by typing. I have to sneak around to read the blogs that I like to read so I don't get in trouble. Well all that ends today my fellow bloggers!!!

In our monthly staff meetings we were told that we have to look around to different blogs to see if they contain any "useful" legal information for the company. Now I don't think I'm going to find any useful information from Yoni, MT or any other blogs I read regularly, but at least I know now that I will no longer have to sneak to a site to read about their contents. I can just label it research and it will all fall under my job description!

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

This Woman has Issues!

I'm sure by now everyone has an idea of what happened to Jennifer Wilbanks over the past week (for those of you who don't know she's the woman that "pretended" to get abducted because she got cold feet before her wedding). CNN has an interesting article here about how she really didn't come out an apologize and a brief timeline if you aren't aware of the case. Blonde Justice posed an interesting question about whether this woman should be charged with a crime (read the comments to see people's speculation about whether the media would make a big deal out of this had she been a minority).

My initial feeling about this is thank God someone else did it so now we can call this type of event a Wilbanks case and no longer an Audrey Sieler case (the crazy Minnesotan who pretended to get abducted). After that feeling I started thinking about the situation and I think she should be charged with some kind of crime and to repay the city of Duluth, GA for their expenses in looking for her (maybe they can implement some kind of arbitrary rule like Madison did for the Mifflin party this past weekend right Nooner?).

Now I'm thinking about her fiance. Being a married guy I know all about getting cold feet before a weeding. I mean my boys all took multiple shots of coconut rum before my ceremony. It's natural to have these thoughts but damn this is just insane. The kicker is the guy is staying with this woman. I just don't think I would stay with this lady. How could you do this to your future husband, the man you agreed to love for the rest of your life knowing (at least she should have known) that he would be suspect number 1. Wifey wasn't all that excited about me drinking before the ceremony but she knows that it was just nerves and not regret. What the hell is wrong with these people?

Monday, May 02, 2005

This Weather Sucks

I guess I should be used to this by now but damn, snow in May you gotta be kidding me. Two weeks ago it was near 80 and today when I left the house it was 28, what the hell is wrong with this picture. Someone tell me again why I turned down the job in Miami?

I think God is punishing for taking the Law of Underwater Basket Weaving my last semester. I think I'm also being punished for laughing in the face of my fellow law students that are stressing out right now, while I just chill play golf and drink beer.
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