Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Travel Thoughts

As I was on my way back from Tallahassee yesterday from yet another interview (I think they should give out ribbons to those people that have done as many interviews as I have w/o actually having a job, kinda like they do the maniacs that sign up for marathons and finish) I realized that since October I've traveled somewhere on an airplane at least once a month and will continue to do so through May (8 damn months). Naturally I started thinking of all the things that have occurred in those flights so here we go.

1. It seems like anytime someone next to me has to use the puke bag, it's a bad time (granted I'm not sure there is ever a good time for a person to be puking next to you in a tight space). Granted, it's only happened twice (thank God) but the first time it was they day after I had been in the hospital because I couldn't stop upchucking as a result of some funky food my mom made. I mean after you spend hours in the hospital with an iv in your arm because you can't keep food down having the guy next to you get sick isn't really ideal. The second time happened yesterday on my way back home. There was a gentleman in the row with me (thank God that there was an empty seat between us) who used not 1, not 2 but all 3 bags in our row because "he was so scared of flying." Dude one word for you GREYHOUND.

2. I normally don't like people that are rude to flight attendants especially when they are doing their safety presentation but damn it if I didn't have a rude ass flight attendant on the way down. I always ask for the exit row because even a fat ass like me can cross my legs if I was so inclined. She stopped by our row and yelled at us to read the safety manual, watch her carefully, and stop horsing around (meaning reading my book). Look lady, do you think I really don't know how to buckle my seat belt??? I know that if the cabin loses pressure I'm supposed to pull on my mask, and I know that this thin ass seat that my ass is on can be used as a floatation device (what are the odds we land in water on my way from Madison to Memphis? Are we crossing over the Mississippi River?).

3. I know that Federal Regulations state that you can't tamper with smoke detectors in bathrooms but can we add some other Federal Regs. For example can we require a 300lb former NFL football player to purchase two tickets instead of trying to squeeze into the middle seat. I mean this guy must have sucked if he's flying commercial and coach class. If you have to raise the arm rests to fit into the seat spring for first class buddy. Speaking of arm rests, they should be shared, someone gets the front half and someone gets that back half damn it.

4. I also know that the airline industry is going through some tough times right now but can you please give me the entire can of soda rather than just that little shot glass' worth? After paying $400 for my plane ticket I think I should at least get that much don't you think? And please don't look at me like I've violated your entire rule book when I had the gall to ask you for the rest of the can.

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