Monday, February 28, 2005


Chris Rock said in an interview last week that the Oscars are only for women and gay men. I thought that was funny and probably true until I found myself watching them and laughing at his lame ass jokes last night. Then I started thinking (after a drunken conversation with a buddy who has a girlfriend and was going to watch the Oscars also) that there are a lot of similarities between gay men and men with a wife or girlfriend. I mean here are some of the aspects of married or relationship life that could be considered gay if not for wifey or girlfriend...

I actually know what a Duvet Cover is and what it's purpose is (I know this is off a McDonald's commercial but bear with me). It serves as a cover to a down comforter. Now what straight man in his right mind knows this? One who is married and whose wife asks him to buy one for the new comforter we got.

I have more than 3 pillows on every bed in my house. On my bed alone I have 9 and 2 stuffed animals. In my single life I never had more than 2. On the other bed we have 5. 5 Freaking pillows!!!! I mean who needs pillows to decorate the bed?

Lastly, I know what shows like "What not to Wear," "Trading Spaces" are about and can tell you exactly what channel on my TV is TLC. I'm willing to bet that any man that is married or in a relationship can tell you this. Along with the gay men of America. Those similarities are just downright scary.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Apprentice and Survivor Recap

Well this is going to be short since I'm blogging live for the first time during class!!!! (I told you law school is hard). On Survivor the Hotties came back to camp with a clear intent to vote off the one freak on their team next time they lost an immunity challenge. During the first challenge (which is normally just for reward so no one gets voted off, they just get a reward) the hotties pretty much cleaned house on the older tribe therefore winning flint for fire and a snorkel, fins and spear for fishing. The freak came through for her team and they realized maybe it's time to vote strategic and get rid of slackers.

The immunity challenge was won by the older tribe when one of the hottie chicks didn't even try (she was on my team but thankfully didn't get voted off, God I'm a dork). Since she's hooking up with a guy on that team she escaped getting voting off. Instead they voted off the girl with the large chest that could come in handy in other "floating missions" in the water.

On the apprentice they had an "urban challenge" to grafitti up a wall for the cover of Playstation's new Grand Turismo game. Of course I was chearing for the high school kids but once I realized the girl that was the project manager wanted to send a message to the community and not sell video games, I knew her team would lose although I liked the grafitti painting more.

Sorry this is so short but it's hard to blog live during class when I was called out earlier this week!

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Law School IS HARD!!!!!!

My boy Homer posted on his site a while back that law school perhaps wasn't hard because he was able to build a small house of cards. I'm here to completely rebuff the implication that law school is easy. Here is a typical day in the life of an ordinary law student....

I go to class and quickly whip out my laptop and wireless internet card so I can authenticate my way onto the crazy world known as the world wide web. Next I proceed to spend 3 hours everyday being talked at from a panel of teachers who are generally nice but often times boring. Now I don't know about you but to me it's hard to waste 3 hours everyday on the internet while in class. I mean there is only so much funny stuff, sports stuff or porn one can look at once. A few of my friends and I have even began a chatroom of people in our class and after a while even THAT gets quiet. To make matters worse, one has to remember to look up once in a while and make eye contact so that the teachers don't realize that you are actually looking up things that are inappropriate for you to be looking at during class.

I had to the unfortunate luck to be called on Tuesday while knee deep in some hard core trash talking online with some friends. I was seriously lucky to have even heard my name I was so tuned out. Once he repeated the question I had no idea what to say. Normally I can lie and just make up shit but I couldn't even do that I was so out of it. I simply uttered a faint, "I'm not sure," and went back to chatting knowing that I made a fool of myself. After realizing that I looked like an idiot I tried to redeem myself by raising my hand and asking a question related to what he was talking about only to have the teacher tell me well that's exactly what Dan (the guy that sits right next to me) just asked. See law school is not easy by any stretch of the imagination.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

More Quirky Tests

I found some more quirky tests online, which is an awesome way to make it look like I'm busy at work, while just having fun.

Here is the test to see what your seduction style is like (I'm an ideal lover suprisingly enough!).

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover
You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

This is the test for your love number (I'm a 2).

Here is the test for there year that best describes you (1981 for me)

You Belong in 1981

If you scored...
1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!
1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.
1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all!
1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.
1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

And what post would be complete without the Porn Name Generator Test?

Your Porn Star Name is: Larry Loverod

Enough of this case already!!!

This whole saga of Terry Schiavo has got me going crazy. The latest story has the 2nd court of appeal about to rule on whether her husband is allowed to pull her feeding tube out and basically letting her die. A little background for those of you who are uninformed...

This poor woman has been in this vegetative state for about 15 years and her husband and her parents have been in a legal battle for a number of years now about whether to keep her alive in her current state or let her die by "pulling the plug" because she didn't leave a power of attorney or long-term care document outlining her desires (which ties in directly to our Lawyering Skillz curriculum this week). Hubby's stand is pull the plug because during their marriage he says this is what she wanted, while her parents, as you can imagine, aren't having that calling their son-in-law a murderer.

I'm not sure who to believe in this case but knowing how married couples communicate I think I'm with the hubby. Parents aren't always privy to the conversations of married couples and chances are Terry didn't think she would ever go into this state so young in her life so why bother bringing it up? I'm not trying to suggest that hubby is a complete saint either but I can't imagine what he's going through having to look at his spouse in this state while not being able to help her and then being called a murderer by his in-laws. Anyways the court will rule today one way or another (the money is on allowing the hubby to pull the plug) but as always the lawyers will find a way to delay it. Which reminds me one of the most insensitive lines came from Hubby's lawyers (although true, very insensitive). "CT scans just don't lie. When you look at that picture, you see a big black hole filled with water where her brain used to be," Felos said. "There is no cognition, no thought process, no awareness."

Monday, February 21, 2005

A new marketing angle for the fight against bad breath?

I read a short article here about a woman that identified her rape attacker by his bad breath. Now I'm not making light of the situation because obviously rape is a serious matter but how is this possible? I walk by and talk to a lot of people daily with some rank breath. Some are just midly rank while others damn near knock me out with their stankiness. All that being said however, I don't think I'd be able to distinguish stank breath between multiple breath offenders. More power to the woman who was able to use her sense of smell to catch that bad guy (who authorities said matched the DNA of the attacker).

If this is not a perfect non PC ad for like Listerine, Scope or any other brand of mouthwash I don't know what is.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Apprentice Recap

Man this was a good night of television. The Apprentice and a new Survivor. Doesn't get any better than that. So here goes the Apprentice Recap (another show I applied for that wanted a video)...

The teams were given a task to turn two trailers (that looked like a pimp my ride version of the Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile) into profitable business with $5,000 in seed money. The both came up with some pretty good ideas considering the only thing that came to my mind was to turn that thing into a rolling hot dog stand. Once again the team that I'm pulling for (ironically enough the high school people) came through with a victory and a prize of $20,000 to spend at some ritzy pearl store in Manhattan.

The college group came up with what I thought was a pretty good idea. They decided to turn the wiener mobile into a massage/beauty shop parlor on wheels. Once again the lazy guy Mike was trying to throw sexual names out there (Massage a Go-Go) for the project and once again he was lazy as hell just passing out flyers complaining that guys don't want to buy massages from other guys. Overall the team did pretty well although I missed how much they raised.

The high school group though came up with a brilliant idea. They turned their wiener mobile into a place where ordinary people could spend a few minutes with a casting agent that would try to land them spots in music videos, commercial and as extras in movies paying up to $70/hour. I thought this was a brilliant idea because everyone wants to be on tv and have their 15 minutes of fame. So for like $25 you could spend time with this casting agent at a shot at the big time (or at least to be the next guy to pitch an erectile disfunction drug). This group ended up making almost $1,000 in one afternoon.

Survivor Recap

Well the season of Survivor Palau just started and I have to admit this season's characters look better than any other season to date. When I was applying for Survivor I always wondered why they wanted you to send in a video along with the application, I guess I now know why. Anyways to recap...

The show started with host Jeff Probst driving around the Islands of Palau on a boat. I had never heard of this place before Survivor but man this place is gorgeous. The lush green islands set above the crystal blue ocean waters definitely makes this a must see Survivor just for the scenery alone (both of the islands and the people :-)) Anyways the first challenge was to be the first man and woman to the beach (they were in a boat a mile away from the beach). They all decided to paddle to get closer and then for some dumb reason one girl and guy decide they are the next coming of Michael Phelps (Olympic gold medalist swimmers) and jump out on the boat thinking they could reach it first. Naturally after two seconds the boat passes them by.

Fast forward to the next challenge, the teams are divided after being picked like a P.E. class in elementary school (with the whole why did I get picked last line by the "outcast" of the group). The younger/stronger teams loses the obstacle course challenge that required you to choose to bring a lot of heavy crates full of food, water jugs, and fire because they decide to try bring everything except fire. Now tell me this why would you bring food and water and leave fire behind? Haven't these people watched Survivor before? It's not like the movie Cast Away where you can just make fire. You need matches and some flint. Anyways they end up not voting off the outcast but a strong female lawyer that rubbed people the wrong way. More to come next week. By the way none of my "fantasy team members" was voted off! God I'm a dork.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Wow I'm a dork

It has finally happened folks, I realized that I am a big dork. I'm not delusional or anything, I didn't think I was cool but I didn't think I was a big dork. How did I come to this realization you ask? Well I am already a nerd for playing fantasy sports but a lot of people do that (especially football) so that doesn't really make me a dork. Nope, but today I took it one step further. I joined a fantasy league for the Reality TV show survivor. Please pray for me as I contemplate my dorkiness

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Can lawyers and athletes mix?

I totally miss being an athlete and all the joys of getting boo'ed and cheered on by fans and the different stuff that goes on in a sports environment. I never intended to be a litigator (trial attorney for you non-legal folks) but after I started thinking about ways that I could get the same kind of feeling in my future career I think I might have a change of heart. Here's how the two could be related.

When I am in court, I think I'm going to call all my friends and fellow law graduates to come to the courtroom and watch me perform that way I have plenty of "fans." After they show up (hopefully after some hard core tailgaiting outside the courtroom), they should stand and cheer when I walk in the door as I walk by high-fiving them on the way to the counsel table. Next, I think they should start yelling something like "plaintiff/prosecutor sucks" if I'm the defendant and vice versa if I'm on the other side of the scales of justice.

Then, I think when the plaintiff/prosecutor starts presenting their case, my fans should start chanting "De - fense, De - fense" and have someone hold up a big D with a cut out white picket fence. Next, whenever I object or the other side objects and the judge rules in my favor I think my fans should cheer and hang up the letter "O" on the wall of the courtroom like fans at a baseball game hang up the letter "K" for every strike out. Whenever the judge made a bad ruling against me or my friend's think that the witness is lying they should start yelling "BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT." Lastly, when the jury returns a verdict for me, instead of shaking my clients hand, I would go back and do a leap into my friends like football players do after they score a touchdown. What do you guys think?

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

4 Words a Baseball fan loves to hear.

Pitchers and Catchers Report!!!!

Those words to me are pure magic (wow that sounds lame). I'm a huge baseball nut (but football is coming dangerously close) and today marks the start of spring training. This is one of my favorite times of the year because no matter how bad the Mets were last year, at this point in the season everything looks rosy. Now granted the Mets pitchers and catchers don't actually report until tomorrow this is still an awesome time.

I totally miss living in Florida but I especially miss it during spring training. It's the only time I've been able to catch foul balls, get autographs and get close to the action without shelling out a ton of money. Granted the regulars only play for like 3 innings but i think that's what i love about it most, there are players that are battling for that 24 or 25th spot on the team so they are giving it their all. With all that there's just one thing to say....

Play Ball!!!!

Happy Birthday Mom!!

I figured I should post a happy birthday message to my mom since today she's just say today is her birthday :-). Considering she is like half of my loyal readership and considering that my lazy ass just sent her card out yesterday, this might be the only way she gets a birthday message from me on time.

Happy birthday mom. I love you and I swear the card is coming in the mail!

Monday, February 14, 2005

Grammy Recap

I didn't exactly watch all of the Grammys because I was flipping back and forth between this and some redneck comedy tour thing that was hilarious (funniest line of the night came from Larry the Cable Guy, "A cop pulled me over and asked me if I had been drinking and I said why is there a fat girl in my back seat?"). Here's my observations from the part of the Grammys I did watch:

Congrats to the late great Ray Charles. It seems to me that sometimes these award shows give awards to people post humously only because it's the PC thing to do, but this guy truly deserved it. On the same weekend I saw the movie about his life that should win Jaime Foxx a best actor Oscar, I realized that I missed out on a lot being born so much later after a lot of his music came out. I'm definitely going to cop his music. Simply Put, this guy was just a pure talent.

I'm usually not that big of a fan of a bunch of people collaborating for one night and singing each other's songs and the Grammys are famous for this. However, watching Usher and James Brown dance was just amazing (I know this sounds gay). I'm really into watching people who can break it down like that and I think the only way this could have been better would be if old school Michael Jackson came out and did "Thriller".

Last thoughts...I thought the "Sweet Home Alabama" performance that included some country people was pretty tight. I'm not a big fan of country music but I enjoyed that. Also after seeing Tim McGraw in concert earlier this year I expected more from him, I thought his solo performance and his "cumbaya" song for the tsunami relief was weak. What did everyone else think?

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Valentine's Day

Well folks it's that time of year again. The time where florists make half of their yearly profits (mother's day is the other) on the sale of flowers. I'm not fond of this holiday at all. I have been lucky enough or unlucky (depending on your point of view) to not ever be single around this holiday. I actually had the audacity to break up with a girl before Christmas and get back together with her after Valentine's Day (I swear I didn't plan it but God was looking out for a brotha that year) but I digress.

I think this holiday is total rubbish. This is a day randomnly selected by the retail, greeting card and floral industries to help them make money between the boom of the Holiday Season and Easter. I mean why on earth do we need a special day to tell our spouses, significant others or ourselves (for those of you that are asexual) that we love, care, cherish, etc them?

I guess the way I see it you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you are single around this time of year, then there is the added pressure of feeling like a loser since you don't have anyone to share this day with (not that you are a loser, the world just makes you feel like one). If you aren't single, then you are forced to either pay an insane amount of money from some shrubbery that will die in a week (romantic huh), or outdo yourself from the previous years so you don't get branded by your spouse as being boring. This is a completely idiotic holiday and I say we should all just protest and not buy cards, flowers, candy, etc. I myself am writing off Valentine's completely!!!

Friday, February 11, 2005

Reality TV

I don't know how many of you know this or not but I am a reality tv junkie. I love watching people (who I assume are normal until they go on tv) make complete fools out of themselves for money or their 15 seconds of fame. My favorite reality tv show is Survivor with the Apprentice running a close second. Since Survivor will start next week and the Apprentice running 4 weeks strong I figured I should post about them once a week after the episodes the previous nights.

If you haven't been watching the Apprentice (shame on you!!!!!) this season's contestants are being pitted against each other according to level of education (high school diplomas vs. college and grad degrees). After I found this out and I figured out the name of the college grads (Magna Corp for Magna Cum Laude) I began to cheer for the high school grads (Net Worth because they are worth more than the college grads) because of the snobbyness of the college grads. Now this has left me conflicted considering I'm a college grad and am about to be a law school grad. Does anyone else find this weird? Let me know your comments, remember you don't have to be a blogger member to leave me comments!

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

I'm Back

I apologize to my loyal readership (both of you) for not posting for a few days but I was out in Vail, CO enjoying some snow activities. For those who have never been out there, I would highly recommend it. I went tubing, which if you never have done it, you should. It was awesome going down a mountain on a tube (the only down side being that I was like the oldest one there).

I also went snowmobiling which is always a treat. I don't know why I get so excited about doing these things but man going straight up the face of the mountain at like 50mph on a machine is definitely a cool feeling. Sunday night we went to this awesome restaurant called Beano's Cabin. And yes I realized that Sunday night was Super Bowl night so I missed the 2nd half of the game (which didn't come out like I predicted but I told you the Eagles would cover the 7 points anyways I digress).

So this is the abbreviated version of the trip. Again if you have money to burn and enjoy the snow resort scene, the Vail area is a lot of fun and incredibly gorgeous.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Super Bowl Pick

Alright football fans here is my sure to blow up in my face Super Bowl pick:

Eagles: 27
Pats: 24

If not, I'm sure the Eagles will cover that crazy 7 point spread!

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Is this how people really are going to feel about me?

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose."Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!"
Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?"And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls... You must be a lawyer."

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Advice for a random 1L

It's about that time where 1Ls (1st year law students for those of you who aren't down with the lingo) begin interviewing for the few coveted paid summer associate positions. It's funny watching the few who are lucky enough to be interviewing strut their stuff around school wearing their brand new suit they just picked up at your local department store thinking that they are all cool and shit since they got picked.

After thinking about this, I figured out something I wish I would have done back in the day when I was a 1L and something I would love to see someone do now. I think some random 1L should just strut into school wearing a suit every other day or every 3rd day to psyche out the rest of his/her class. Preferably this should be someone who everyone would consider to be the "dumbest" kid in class. I think everytime someone comes up to this person and asks why he/she is dressed up they should just make up law firm names using random last names (torres & estrada; carranza, olivas & frick LLC; etc) and then saying something like "oh you aren't interviewing with them? hmm what a shame."

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Bad pickup lines

1. Got any spanish in you? (No) Want some?

2. If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together.

3. What's your fave letter of the alphabet? Mine is U.

4. Nice shoes, wanna screw?

5. Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.

6. I heard milk does a body good but damn girl how much milk you been drinkin

7. Are you tired? Cause you been running through my mind all night.

8. Where are you from? Prettyville?

9. What's the best bone in your body? Mine

10. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
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