Monday, January 31, 2005

Things that I saw/heard this morning at the gym that I never want to see/hear again

1. Asking another man how it's hanging in the locker room. Buddy you are looking straight at it, you can see how it's hanging, you don't need to ask.

2. Coming out of the showers with an erection.

3. Whipping another man on the ass with your towel rolled up.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Cool Tests

I don't know why I'm on this nerd kick lately, but I found this test online and decided to try it. Here is my nerd score 18% Not a nerd. Click here to calculate yours.

Here is the test to see if you are a loser or not. I got a 32 (kinda cool) but I was disappointed, I thought I was way cooler than that after my nerd score was so low.

This is a test straight out for my boy downtown Aaron Brown (Double AA). It's a test about how much one loves money. I got the average score of 33 (funny I didn't think I liked money at all but apperantly I do).

And last but not least, here is the test that tells you when you are going to die. I'm lucky enough to get to live until the ripe old age of 78.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Stories from High School

I how many people do this but my friends and I will often reminisce about our high school days. We will talk about how we had crushes on this person and that person and how we played this and that sport and whether we were any good or not. Eventually we end up talking about whether we were in the "cool kids" clique or deemed inferior by those fortunate enough to fall into that group. Well I was never one of the "cool kids" and most of my friends fall into that category as well so we will then begin telling stories about how nerdy and dorky we were back in the day. I usually talk about the fact that I was in band in middle school, and for one year actually joined the math club (and I still wonder why I wasn't deemed "cool"). Anyways when people tell these stories I often feel like they exaggerate their "nerdiness." I mean no one can be that dorky can they? Well meet my boy buddha...

I was talking to buddha the other day and we began the topic of nerds in high school and the things we did. Like oh I was such a nerd in high school that I actually read my textbook during spring break because I had nothing else to do. Well he told me how he actually enjoyed science and math classes and really enjoyed computers and basically that he was just a big nerd in high school. Now I didn't know him in high school, I met him in undergrad and he is a very cool and very funny guy so naturally I thought he was just exaggerating about his nerdiness. Then he drops the ultimate dork bomb that makes me believe this man was truly a dork in high school. He told me that in high school, him and a few of his nerd buddies actually started a computer club in high school. Now I have a funky sense of humor but I found that to be really funny.

I'm curious to see if anyone out there has any other funky clubs that they either joined or started a nerdy club like this one. Please leave a comment if you do. You don't need to leave an email or anything, just type anonymous when it asks for that information.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Interview Questions and Answers

Here are a few questions that I have encountered in my brief experience interviewing for legal employment after graduation, the answers I gave (A) and the answers I would like to give since they are closer to the truth (TA).

1. So why do you want to be a lawyer?
A: I took a pre-law class in undergrad and talked to the professor and I became really interested in pursuing a legal career.
TA: Well after reading (insert any John Grisham book title here since I've read them all) and seeing all the adventures in a lawyers life, and after seeing all the money Johnny Cochran makes who wouldn't want to be a lawyer, after all that could be me?

2. So why should we hire you?
A: I'm a hard working person who isn't afraid to put in long hours and advocate aggressively for my client.
TA: The question isn't why should you hire me, the question is why should I accept your offer.

3. What kind of law do you want to practice?
A: I would like to practice (whatever the firm specializes in) and eventually develop an expertise in this area.
TA: I would like to do whatever I can do that will allow me to make a lot of money and not work very hard.

4. Are you willing to work on the weekends? Because we have some associates from your school that said they would, but don't come in very often (this from a Marquette grad).
A: I've worked nights and weekends in retail and I know what it's like to work long hours because during the holidays retail can be murder.
TA: Well the reason why the Wisconsin grads don't come in on the weekends is because we are obviously smarter than Marquette grads and can get the job done in a shorter period of time, so we don't have to be here all hours of the day and night. Plus we like to party and have a social life outside the firm.

5. Is Wisconsin a good school?
A: Well according to our ranking in US News & World Report, we are a top tier school.
TA: Nope, I picked the worst fucking school I could find and applied to it so I could pay out of state tuition and live in below zero weather.

Keep checking back as I continue to interview, I'm sure to have plenty more.

Another Big Game Tonight!!!

I know I said that I wouldn't post too much about sports but damn it tonight is another big night. The 18th ranked University of Wisconsin Badgers are playing against the top ranked, undefeated University of Illinois Fightin Illini (can anyone please tell me what the hell a fightin illini is, anyone?). Here's my attempt at a preview for tonights game...

As any college basketball fan is aware, this game is going to be huge since both schools are putting forth impressive winning streaks against one another. Wisconsin has a 38-game home winning streak that dates back to 2002. Illinois is the unanimous #1 ranked team in the country, has a 19-game winning streak of its own and is undefeated. You can also tell this is a big game because: ESPN moved the game from 6 pm (central) to 8 pm (central) so it could be viewed by a national audience; ESPN is also bringing their #1 broadcast team (Dick Vitale, who I think is an AWESOME color commentator with a capital A BABY!); and tickets are going on EBay for as high as $1,200 per pair. If you are lucky enough to get inside, enjoy it, here’s hoping it’s and ESPN Instant Classic). If you are watching at home (like me), kick back with a cold beer, flannel pj pants and a Wisconsin t-shirt and enjoy the ride, it should be a good one.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Today's Thoughts

1. Don't look now, but the Orlando Magic have already won more games this year after 39 games then they did all of last year (21) in 82 games. Here's hoping they get: home court advantage in the first round of the playoffs and a victory in at least that series (something She-Mac couldn't deliver)

2. Speaking of McGrady, I hate to admit it but he had a hell of a game against the Magic. I still think he's selfish and lazy but it was hard watching him play that well against the Magic so I have to give it up to him. That being said, why would someone say "my dog is really vicious, I could see him going after people just not us," after a guy filed a lawsuit against him that very day alleging that his "vicious" dog tore half his nose off when he attacked him? (that sound you hear in the background is his lawyer jumping out the window of his office)

3. My undergrad institution (University of Central Florida) opens up their 2005 football season at South Carolina for Steve Spurrier's debut on ESPN on the first broadcast of the football season on a Thursday night. Hmmm, 0-11 (last year) UCF vs. Spurrier on prime time itching to prove himself after a disaster in the NFL? Should be a good way for UCF to start the season on the right foot? What are these guys thinking? Why don't they schedule someone from like Division III so they can at least get the losing taste out of their mouths.

4. Now sports isn't all I care about. I went to see "In Good Company" yesterday (warning spoiler!!!). Usually I complain when Hollywood does happy endings for every movie but this one was different. I actually liked the movie but at the end I was upset that the guy didn't get the girl and it wasn't quite a happy ending. I mean it was but it wasn't. You have to see the movie to understand what I'm talking about.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Orlando Magic Game Tonight

Those of you that know me well know that I am a big Orlando Magic fan. I am a sports nut with a passion for professional and college sports that borders on insanity. Tonight the Orlando Magic have a home game against the Houston Rockets. Now normally this would be just another game in a regular NBA season except for the fact that tonight is the first time Tracy McGrady (She-Mac) returns to play at home against his former team (my beloved Magic). Here are a few things that I would like to see from tonight's game, but first a little warning. From time to time, I will post sports related material for my loyal readers (both of you). I am not a sports writer, nor would I pretend to be considering my writing is not that good, however I will pretend once in a while just to have some fun. Here is my first shot at a sports column.

I never thought I would be more angry or hurt at a professional player as I was the day (July 18, 1996 in case anyone cares) Shaquille O'neal announced that had signed with the Lakers. I had invested so much into his team and to hear that your favorite player was skipping town left me feeling cheated and bitter. I swore that the first game against the Lakers the following year, I (along with everyone else lucky enough to score a ticket to the game) were going to give him an ear full of what we thought about him at that point in time. Well I went out booed him and give him the one finger salute and you know what? He came out played inspired by the crowd's reaction and the Lakers won the game.

Now comes She-Mac. While I was more hurt/heartbroken than anything else with Shaq, I was pissed off at She-Mac. This is a guy that the Magic paid max money for under the collective bargaining agreement and had yet to average 20 points a game. They had faith and were willing to pay for potential rather than production.

So what did we get out of the She-Mac experience in Orlando? We got 3 seasons with about a .500 record in each, 3 first-round playoff losses, and last year's nightmarish 21 win season that lead to his demand for a trade since he would op out of his contract. We were able to see first hand his extraordinary scoring talent but complete lack of heart and complete indifference to his teammates, the organizations, the city, and even worse his indifference to the fans that worship the ground he walked on (me included). We were also able to get into the mind of She-Mac one more time as a result of his Sports Illustrated Article 2 weeks ago.

He gave us wonderful insight about how: he doesn't know how many bathrooms are in his house ("I don't know 5, 6 maybe 8, I'm not really sure); how there were times where he didn't play his hardest ("how can you say you try hard everyday at work, I mean I don't think about how much I'm making while I'm on the court (meanwhile he made $13.28 mil which is roughly $199,ooo per game since he only played in 67 games, or damn near $5,ooo per minute played since he averaged 40 mins in those games)); how he doesn't know what it's like to balance a checkbook and live paycheck to paycheck ("my first paycheck was for $215,000); that it is cool that he's the first NBA player with his own plane; and how the fans don't know what it's like to be him, to be on tv all the time, to make that much money.

Having said all of that (if I still have any readers left), let me give you my wish list for the game tonight:

1. Have Magic fans treat him with the same indifference that he treated us with. Do not boo him, jeer him or salute him with a finger. Simply sit in your seats quietly when he is introduced, sit quietly when he makes a shot or even touches the ball, and clap lightly at the end of the game when the Magic win. Do not rub it in his face, trust me as a former athlete there is nothing more frustrating than indifference from fans, you like to be booed when you are away and cheered when you are at home, it gets you psyched up. So just sit there quietly and let him think.

2. Have the Magic's newly acquired Doug Christie put the clamps down on She-Mac and hold him to around 8-10 points and see how he reacts following that embarrasement on national television, since he couldn't get up for a big game against his former team (which by the way has a better record than his Rockets).

3. This one is in direct conflict with number 2 but bare with me. Have She-Mac torch the Magic for something like 40+ points but have Magic win the game convingcingly since no other Rocket scored in double figures due to his selfish style of play. This way a few things are accomplished: the entire country can see how selfish he is; everyone can see that he is not a good teammate (more like a cancer); and lastly and most important the entire league can see why the Magic traded this loser to begin with.

And lastly...
4. Not one of the previous things happens, meaning She-Mac has a good game, the Rockets play well, BUT playing like the team they truly are, the Magic have 4 or 5 double figure scorers led by Grant Hill with about 22 points and Steve Francis with 21 points.

Go MAGIC!!!!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Things that make me go HMMMM....

Why is it that we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

Why didn't Noah swat those last 2 Mosquitos, or squash those 2 cockroaches?

Why is what lawyers do called "practice"?

Why is it that right after the cops tell you that you have the right to remain silent, they ask you why you were doing what it was that got you arrested?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why is it that if you go into any chatroom online, everyone is either a hot guy or a hot girl, are there no ugly people in cyberspace?

Why don't psychics ever win the lottery?

Why is the guy that handles all your investments called a broker?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Long Winded Teachers

Has anyone noticed how loooong some law professors can talk without taking a pause? When your “introductions to the course” speech lasts the entire hour and a half and has fewer pauses then I have fingers on my left hand, you have spoken for far too long and odds are you have lost your audience (after all would I be writing this in the middle of his “intro” if I was engaged). I’m not smug enough to suggest that I could do better, but when I look around the room and see nary an eye looking up at the professor there is a problem. All I’m suggesting is keep your audience in mind when you are planning on talking for the entire period.

Exactly How Cold is "Below Zero" Cold

To all my Quanzer friends back in Orlando bitchin about the "cold" (50 degrees) weather back home, let me try to describe to you how it feels outside right now when it is below zero. I know many of you have never been in weather like this so it might be hard for you to imagine exactly what this misplaced Floridian is going through right now. I was walking to the bank from school (roughly a 13 minute walk). I stepped outside and lo and behold it was sunny so I figured even though the mercury is below zero it can't feel that bad. WRONG! After the first few minutes I started to realize the my eyes were full of tears but they weren't falling down my cheeks. I tried to keep my head down to keep the wind out of my eyes. Well when I got to the bank I looked at my reflection in the window and the tears had frozen on to my cheeks! To make matters worse, on my way back to the law school, I tried to walk over a big area of hard snow only to realize after I slipped, ate it and landed on my ass that it was just a little bit of snow under a lot of ice. So next time you Quanz fool complain to me about how "cold" it's been in Orlando lately, think about frozen tears on my cheeks and a bruise on my "other" cheeks

Monday, January 17, 2005

Reasons to Blog

1. Gives me a outlet to channel my creativity at all times of the day (allows me to post during class while giving the impression that I'm actually taking good notes).

2. Gives me a place to share my thoughts in a medium for all to see and critique (let's me post crazy shit for people to get pissed off at w/o having to deal with them face to face).

3. From time to time the blog will allow me to share funny stories about my adventures with my crazy boyz (and brag about myself by putting them down in their lame attempts with women)

4. Lastly, because I can write that I think Joss Stone is not nearly as hot as some people might think considering she's still underage!


Hello everyone welcome to my blog. Hopefully I can post on here regularly into the craziness that is my mind :-) Bookmart it and hopefully I'll have some entertaining entries for ya.
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